Toxic Friends or overhearing toxic Conversations? What you need to know

​Overheard a toxic conversation or gossip? What can we learn from them?

It was just a conversation or so you thought, but afterwards you felt a little flat. Perhaps on reflection you realised that it simply wasn’t nice, a little more than idle gossip.

Either way, you weren’t impressed and it actually was a toxic conversation. Oh dear. All too common, but the great thing is you realise it and now, you’re more aware.

​So, what can we do about toxic conversations?

Being aware of our conversations – the tone, the energy, the structure and of course, the intent, truly does matter.

To understand this a little more and not jump so quickly to “searching the past for my own misdemeanors, so I can beat myself up”, let’s take ourselves out of the equation for a moment and consider conversations we’ve overheard, on say a bus, and ask ourselves:

• What was the tone? Abrasive or kind, loving?
• The structure? Focused and to the point or just a rambling and non-sensical bitch session between two tired and overworked people, about anyone  or any topic that came to mind. Easy to forgive them, harder to forget.
• The energy? What did you notice the most? Was it one-sided and unfair or perhaps you heard desperation and a lack of confidence. Positive or negative connotations?

• Besides the spoken words, what else did you notice? Body language, “tight” voice or perhaps a heavy feeling in the air? Or did the conversation uplift you.

• The Intent? Was there intent? What did you feel wasn’t right? Did you believe the speaker? Was it one-sided? Did you wonder what the speakers “role” was, or perhaps you developed a deep resentment for this unknown person they were speaking of ….all of their alleged faults, foibles and interactions laid bare on public transport. Oh dear.

Conversations should leave you uplifted with a smile on your face. Remember: Toxic conversations won't leave you happy.... ever.

As humans, we are not perfect and certainly it would be easy to judge and quite frankly, sometimes it does make for a good story, but the big question is: what can we learn from observing others and how can we apply it?


Here are a few questions that easily come to mind:

• Would I have done anything differently?

• Was the listener being swayed into holding an opinion?

• Would you want this in your life?

• If I was the part of a similar conversation, how could I have “tamed” the conversation before I myself was sucked into the energy of it?

• What could I have done or said to change the direction? Could I have done anything? Because sometimes you just can’t.

• Will I be more careful about my conversations in future, particularly if I’m on a bus, in a coffee shop, at the school gates….? Or not?

• Do I care? Always a good question….

Now remember, the intent of this blog is to remind you be aware of your conversations – the tone, the structure, the energy, the intent. Listen to what is said, and what is not said,  so that we may become more aware of ourselves.


Just listen, learn and let it go.


I know that putting the above into practice, made me a better person. Until next time.


Melissa xx